Here is what you missed

I have been MIA for four weeks and not one of you submitted my photo to the news and started a search party. I am insulted. I thought I was more to you than words on the Internet. My #1 reader (my dad) did finally email me to ask if the blog had moved.

Wait, am I being overly dramatic again? You know you missed that.

Well, instead of rehashing the entire month you missed, I will give you the highlights to bring you up to speed.

1. I now have a five year old. Zach had a super fun ninja party at a local gym, complete with nun-chucks and ninja belts. So far, I am really enjoying five vs. four year olds. Less whining; more getting fully dressed on his own and smidge more patience with his brother.

2. I got totally busted, by Alex, for my James is not impressed series on Facebook and Instagram. Alex's friends kept telling him how funny it was (thank you) and how serious James is. Since Alex does not understand social media and cringes at that phrase, it caught him totally off guard. I know I have read him those posts in the past, but he didn't understand the full magnitude. Image explaining a meme to your granddad. That is Alex's level of understanding on anything technical and/or Internet-wise. Anyway, he was not pleased with me, to say the least. He felt I talking negatively about our kids. You guys know he doesn't read this blog. And while I wanted to roll my eyes, he is, technically, James' father and, I suppose I should, technically, respect his opinion. Plus, James is getting more impressed and is now overly animated, so my materially was being ruined anyway. I have retired the James is not impressed tagline. Though I will be doing one full rundown here on the blog for posterity's sake.

I mean, look at this photo.

I can't possibly make this stuff up.

3. I am now 36. No further comment.

4. Alex and I spent New Year's Eve in New York City, even getting to see the ball drop.

The boys stayed with the Walls and got to stay up late, eat ice cream and swim, inside, almost every day. Alex and I got to spend time together, not eat dinner at 5:30 and pretend we were young again. However, New Year's Day after drinking and dancing into the wee hours it was very apparent we are not. Please refer to #3 above. My Aunt Vickie, Uncle Rick and cousins Stephanie, Brett and Matthew were there, making NYE even more fun.

Why I am molesting my darling cousin, I don't know. And why do I look so old? Don't answer that.

5. I got to spend time with my darling nieces over Zach's birthday weekend and got to hair braid and pony tail make to my hearts content. That is what is great about having a sister who shares (the same can't be said for Lauren; I am not a sharer), she just steps aside and let's me dress the girls and fix their hair. My boy-only-having self needs that. A lot.  The weekend was a mess of screaming, shouting, running and eating. Someone was always pushing a shopping cart into the wall and "reading" books at the top of their lungs. My house is like that without any additional children, so it was just a bonus that the girls were running right along with my boys.

6. Christmas happened. Jack the Elf left (after becoming a ninja for Zach's birthday), Santa came and everyone got everything they wanted. I am soooooo glad it is over, I don't even want to re-hash it. 

Aren't my children charming on Christmas morning?

7. I watched a lot of House of Lies and now have a total potty mouth, mainly in my head. They say the F word constantly and I don't know why the moms I hang out with don't. It seems so normal after watching 13 episodes. Please be warned if you are having a play date with me.

That is about it. You are caught up. But next time, please make more of an effort to let me know you missed me and your life is not complete without me. I can't just guess that you are feeling this way.