Jack will be the death of me

Why did I start this whole Elf on the Shelf business? You know why.

Pinterest.

Everyone makes it look so cute. All the ideas! Have him swing from the chandelier! Make elf doughnuts (OK I am doing that)! Write notes to your kids! There children are just thrilled that this odd hand and feet-less thing are lurking around their house. Not mine.

First of all, please meet Jack, our diverse Elf. He is the brown eyed elf with dark skin. I am the affirmative action of elves people. I wanted a brown eyed elf to match my boys and my only option was the dark skin. This is obviously a racist 1950 elf as calling his skin dark is really being a tad extreme. At the most he is the color of Auntie Tami. But either way, we white, white Walls need a little color in our lives.

So the first night he arrives we read the book and Zach is excited. We talk about not touching him. But then he falls over and nudge him with my hand. Zach yells "His magic mommy!" at which point I try to say that only Mommy's and Daddy's can touch him. But the damage is done. By the afternoon Jack is riding a firetruck and James is eating his face.

Sigh.

But I persist. Jack rides on the back of an elephant, he writes Merry Christmas on this formerly blank plastic cups, he hangs on the school bag wanting to go to school.

And the questions start: Zach asks how he gets to Santa, why his mouth does not open, why his hat doesn't come off, do his hands come unstuck when he is with Santa and many, many, maaaaaannnnny more questions. I sense that he wants to believe, but is just a tad wary.

This should make me sad, my baby not believing, but honestly it is just a relief. When the night comes that I forget to move Jack he is not going to be surprised and I am OK with that. He still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the reindeer so if he doesn't believe this weirdo flies in and out of our house at night we are calling it good.

But those elf doughnuts are going to be freaking adorable!

Weekend Edition

I had grand plans for getting the blog rolling this week after a week off  (doing what I don't know) but the flu came to visit us this week and just left today. And by left I mean I finally have an appetite again and only a fever of 99. Luckily James bounced back and was in school on Thursday and Zach and Alex managed to not get it so far.

I thought everyone might enjoy knowing how our last weekend shaped up. Besides it being absurdly hot here it was the usual busy Wall's weekend - park, Einstein's, trying to force a 3 year old to nap, etc.

Until Saturday night when Alex decided to get the Cutty out for a drive. You remember the Cutty right? The joy of Alex's life, totally worth the insurance, registration fees and monthly storage costs. To him.

Well on Saturday he wanted to take it out to wash it and then drive it to dinner and a holiday party. You all know I just love being driven around in 85 degree heat and high humidity in a car with no AC. But I digress.

We made it to dinner fine, but the Cutty stalled in the parking lot in front of the valet stand. Might I mention this parking lot was a one way in - one way out parking lot with not a lot of turning room. Luckily I was already at the table or I would have had to run inside pretending I didn't know the man steering the car into a spot being pushed by valets.

Oh don't worry, after dinner it started up just fine and we headed to the party. We pulled up next to our friends at a red light at which time we realized the breaks were out. And by we, I mean Alex blew through the red light and yelled "I think the brakes are out!". He was pumping them to no avail. Luckily I remained calm, which may surprise many of you, but my survival training immediately kicked in. And by "survival training" I mean the fact that I think every worst case scenario on TV is going to happen to me. I can tell you how I would get out of a car under water (though I do actually need to know that living in Houston), how to get myself and children out of a car if it starts on fire at the gas station and the chair through James' window plan in case of a fire in the house. Doom and gloom you say? Not at all! I don't have to worry about these things happening because I am prepared. Cra-cra, but prepared.

So what do you do when your breaks go out? Not try to drive home....ALEX. "It is only 2 lights". (It is 8 lights, I counted.) You immediately look for a place to coast, preferably a large parking lot with the concrete bumpers that will stop your car. And thank the good Lord, there on our right was a huge Citibank parking lot completely empty. It still took some convincing that we needed to pull in and try to stop but finally he realized us trying to drive home (and stop where once we got here??) was a bad idea. As we coasted uphill into a parking spot and Alex had to throw it into reverse then slam it into park to get the steel beast to finally stop, he finally realized the breaks were fully gone.

I think he was in shock.

He really should work on some survival training and stop thinking everything is so happy and rosy.
Or that is what he has me for.

So Sunday morning, here we all were having Chris the tow truck driver take the Cutty away.

He also offered to buy it and I told him to name his price but somehow my window was child locked (that he can do but not stop a speeding car) and I was foiled again.

And yes, all sarcasm aside, we are both very thankful neither child was in the car. And I am pretty sure both our mothers wished they could say the same.

Make these this weekend

What am I bossing you about now? These Cinnamon Roll Waffles.

I die. Super, super simple and I felt like I was giving the boys such a treat. And a huge dose of sugar that I had to deal with for about an hour, but worth it. Oh the deliciousness!

I am going to type out the recipe because it is very complicated and I don't want you to have to do all that clicking through the links.

1. Open can of store bought cinnamon rolls
2. Spray waffles iron with cooking spray
3. Place 4 cinnamon rolls on a preheated waffle iron and close to cook.
4. Pour icing from store bought rolls onto waffles
5. Write Kinsey a thank you email for the excellent ratio of cinnamon, dough and icing.

Don't worry he actually did like them, he just insists on making this face all. the. time.

First Ride

Back when the weather was a bit warmer I realized that James was big enough for our bike carrier. Which meant he needed a helmet to go with it. Turns out baby helmet is not that easy to find so I was pretty excited to spot this construction themed one.

Guess who was less than excited.

But guess whose mom thought it was super funny that it squished his face like that.

And they are off!

They made it about half the block when Zach got tired and wanted to turn around. It could have been James' one year shirt that he is wearing as an almost four year old.

A wolf could totally blow it down

For James' birthday his Ollie and Grandpa Vince brought him a cardboard playhouse (also owned by Mason Disicks) which the boys quickly became enamored with. Zach stores all his chairs and toys in there and James enjoys aggressively batting the door open and crawling inside.Now that he can walk he aggressively opens the door and walks inside. It is mildly funny as he doesn't even have to bend down to get inside. It is his perfect size.

I wrote "James and Zach ONLY" on the door so I refuse to go in. Sweet Auntie Tami goes in there but not me. It smells and is dirty. I can stay outside and experience that.

But I do pop my head in the windows and doors scaring the two little boys inside which results in peals of laughter and screaming. Oh the joys of childhood.

Well hello there serious..

That Pumpkin is Grumpy

For the first time this year we carved a pumpkin. I personally wanted to avoid it one more year given the mess that I certainly would have to clean up. But Alex was determined to carve one this year so out we trekked to a pumpkin patch Whole Foods to pick just the right pumpkin the only one without mold on it. That is what you get for buying a pumpkin the Saturday before Halloween.

Zach was very excited to scoop out the seeds talking the entire time about how they did this at his school.
Great, you have done it - we get it, live in the moment Zachary!

James was doing this the entire time:

Still waving the carrot bat around:

And the final pumpkin. Zach insisted that it had eyebrows...not a complete fail but I am pretty sure the ladies at Nail Salon would disapprove.

Can we also discuss the hodgepodge of pumpkins on my front porch this year? Do you see the little one on the right trying to distance himself from the disaster on the left? We have no fewer than 4:
1. Painted one when I was feeling like Zach and I should be creative
2. Fake one that obviously looks the best but whose cap has been removed by a grumpy baby in an attempt to burn himself on the candle.
3. Random pumpkin purchased thinking Zach had to take one to school. Nope. Just for our viewing pleasure.
4. And finally grumpy pumpkin.

For all my sarcasm it actually was a really nice family evening. Zach was so proud of the pumpkin and took great pride in getting it all set up with the candle. Then he and Alex played "soccer" in the front yard until the mosquitoes took over. Even James had a good time, though you would not know it from his signature James face.

He doesn't care that they are dirty

In the past month we have noticed James' insistence on doing whatever Zachary is doing at the moment keeps growing. If Zach eats a green bean; James will eat a green bean. If Zach is brushing his teeth; you better get James his toothbrush for those 6 teeth STAT.

However, James is also obsessed with wearing his own shoes and socks. If you put on your shoes or he just sees his, he brings them to you.

So I didn't really put two and two together to realize when James brought me a pair of Zach's socks while we were playing that Zach had on the same pair. Granted, James' were from the day before but guess who was having none of me trying to switch them out for clean ones. Shrill screaming started and I realized I didn't care that much.

I have no clue what is going on in all these photos. Something with a hula hoop, pillows and a piece of a race car track.